Last week through my Iphone

Jag har inte varit så jävla party den senaste veckan. Har haft mycket ångest och började t.ex. gråta igår när jag gjorde yoga, what the actual fuck liksom haha. Men jag har haft finbesök från Helsingfors i form av mina bästa barndomsvänner Stella och Richard och deras emi-fucking-nenta kompis Rebecka. Jag har skrattiga vänner i alla fall, det har fått konstateras ett flertal gånger den här veckan. Gulliga.

Det var ju nyår och så. Dagen före VJ:ade jag på Indigo med Turbo Disco, iklädd nät all the way (hört att det är coolt hos kidsen i dagarna). Dagen efter brunchade jag med Norah, Anna, Stella och Wilma. På nyårsafton var jag sjuk och vi åt trerätters i min och Albins trånga lägenhet på Styrmansgatan.

Annars har utomhustemperaturen inte bjudit in till något annat än gos under täcket på sistone. Jag har sett mycket bra film i veckan: Blue Valentine, Zodiac, The Virgin Suicides. Där får ni dagens tips från mig.

Hur blir man lycklig med sig själv? Tips mottages tacksamt.

Translation: I’ve been a mental wreck lately. Yesterday I started crying for no reason at all while doing yoga. Haha. What the fuck. It’s not all complaints though – my childhood friends from Helsinki visited last week and we had loads of fun even though it’s really freezing outside. And also, movie tips of the week: Blue Valentine, Zodiac and the Virgin Suicides. Xx.

Monday soul food

Hej. Satan. Vad det har låst sig för mig. Prestationsångesten förmår mig inte att göra någonting alls. Twists my head. Så jag tänkte försöka återgå till ett mer välbekant mönster. Nytt år och ny start, är det inte så folk brukar göra. Det är så jävla svårt att vara en *skapande person* och samtidigt hela tiden vara sin egen största kritiker. Men jag håller andan under täcket och väntar på att det går över, för vad ska man annars göra? Jag kanske inte är den enda som lider av kreativ baksmälla så här i vinterdepp-tider?

Och så kan det ju vara ganska skönt att ha en skaparpaus ibland också, om man vänder på det. Då kan man tänka sig att filmtittande och Pinterest inte alls är tidsödslande, utan tvärtom är precis vad man behöver för att komma igång igen. Här är vad som inspirerar mig just nu: boiler rooms efter boiler rooms, kanske Nicolas Jaar mest av allt. Jävla geni.

Translation: Hey guys. Sorry for being distant, but every time I try and write something my head gets all twisted from anxiety. I can’t seem to write one single word down. So I’m trying to strip it all down a bit. Maybe it’ll feel safer to write if I remove some of the pressure that I put on myself. New year, new start, eh? Music is what inspires me most at the time being. I’m currently hooked on this boiler room by Nicolas Jaar. Genius. 

3 great things that happened this week

I was at my last Christmas party in school everrrz. Me, Norah and Tobias decided to seize the moment and play a sweet Joy Division tune (well, at least a sweet version) as an almost-last goodbye to our school and this godforsaken island. Photo cred leftmost picture: Norah.

Hung out with four main gals: my bestie Norah and also Anna, Fanny and Caisa with whom I haven’t hung out for way too long. I can’t even remember what the hell we were talking about all night, but I do remember I had way fun. The hoodie is from Weekday and I wear it almost everyday.

Albin shaved his hair off!!! He’s hopefully about to sign a contract with a pretty influential model agency, and they suggested he should shave his head. Said and done. I think he looks totally utterly fly in his new look. 

And as a Christmas special, I’m giving this video to all of you ’cause you probably need it. And Merry Christmas to all of you. And a safe one for those who feel anxious during Christmas times.

Sunday night

It’s Sunday night when I write this post and I’ve had a rough day. I spent the weekend in Stockholm, again, partying and buying Christmas gifts for friends and family. And then, all of a sudden, anxiety hit me like a wall. I constantly struggle with always being to harsh on myself. And sometimes it gets too hard to deal with. Therefore, I ended up almost panicking for no reason at all on the bus from Stockholm. I think my body and mind is just calling for a Christmas break. Which couldn’t be any more suiting, since I have holidays for two and a half weeks, starting from Wednesday. It’s probably time for me to take one step back. Hang out with my siblings, watch movies and read books by the bonfire. Try not to fight the sense of boredom. Try and fill my diary up, for once.

It would be wrong of me not to mention my weekend in Stockholm, though. I arrived on Saturday morning and went immediately to the shopping street on Södermalm. I spent all afternoon buying Christmas presents and I was dead tired when I showed up at Axel’s and Patrik’s place around dinner time. After having a pot of lentil stew I had to take a nap while the others hung out in the living room, playing music and drinking Club Mate + Vodka. It’s a wonder we even made it out, but when the night had grown darker and we’d had a few, we started making our way towards one of the gigs we were keen on – Axel Boman at Morfar Ginko & Pappa Ray Ray. The line was way too long though and it all ended up with me and Philip going to a gig at mmmmm. Jessie Grankvist played at the club and she was great, she is great, check her out:

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And so, Sunday. We had coffee and tomato soup for breakfast and hung out at the weekly Söndagsklubben (=talking and dancing in the living room and DJ:ing all day). They do this podcast thingy from time to time, you could listen here if you wanted to. It’s just a lot of nice music for lazy Sundays and hardly any talk at all.


Samuel and a pizza.

On Sunday afternoon I had coffee with Ida. She is one of my closest friends but we hang out to little; she’s always busy with school projects and work. But this time I finally got to talk to her about the complexities in life. I’m guessing that’s one of the reasons I was feeling pretty off for the rest of the day. We talked about heavy stuff of the kind that can gnaw your brains out any time you let it. It’s important as hell to talk to your friends about anything that is hard to carry alone.

I think my mind and body are trying to tell me to back off for a while. Or at least have some rest. So that’s probably what I will do. For a couple of days or a week or two. Merry Christmas y’all, talk to you soon.